xdd

xdd

hello, happy july

I have been all kinds of lost these months.

What has been good

• Social: Franky is very nice to me, I still get to play with my weekly DotA stack, the book club I'm in has been fun
• Work: My coworkers are still kind, I was able to get a pay raise (though my reaction to it has been nothing but guilt), I still learn a lot from my job
• Health: I've been sleeping well, I've finally found a harmless way to manage my period pain, and because I've been eating well and been happy spending time with Franky, I've been really well

What has not been good

• Zero Productivity: After work now I usually zone out by sinking time into watching Twitch streams for DotA and Maplestory, while playing MapleStory. I think this is because I've had a lot of work recently and also since I'm "outgoing social" mode, I don't seem to have energy reserves to do other things like studying or arts/crafts
• Zero Energy: I'm not used to having an IRL friend let alone a boyfriend so the routine of being outside every weekend seems to completely deplete me, which in turn seems to cause the above point. Not sure what the solution is. Suck it up and get used to it?

As I wrote that I realized that this was likely a matter of one new priority pushing an existing priority off the board. Specifically, "nurturing a partnership" has pushed off "creative hobbies". Which might sound bad, but I don't think my lack of capacity to do both is a permanent thing.

It reminds me of when I started a full-time job for the first time: All my focus and energy was put towards getting the hang of this new lifestyle. After 2 years, I started building a lot of drive towards creative hobbies and was able to afford to carry them out

So I guess this is to be seen as another big lifestyle shift for me, for the better, and I should be patient with myself as I navigate these foreign waters, eventually to find the time and energy to be able to go back to my old creative ways.

Wish me luck!

Some things I've been thinking of to do next:

• Put up my HTML layouts on Gumroad (it'll be the first time I try to sell my crafts online!)
• Start some social media accounts for art