A summer holiday watching 6-hour reviews about a summer holiday
2025-07-22 @ 10:05pm
hello 
I got around to watching a 6-hour game review in rememberance of a friend I've lost. Nothing dramatic, we've just stopped talking.
My reaction to this review, which of course goes deeper than the video game itself, is a feeling of gratefulness and abundance, in a way.
I feel grateful that I had, and took, the option to get closer to My Place of Origin, as close as living between my old residence and my old elementary school. As someone who has been afflicted with the feeling of "rootlessness" for the entirety of my 20s, I finally do feel the location I am at is "good enough" and that I am allowed to be here "for a while". That is to say, I feel a real connection to where I live. I may not be completely comfortable yet, but I am comfortable enough!
Crow used to tell me that home is where you are, and what you make of it, but I'm not able to adopt this mindset yet. I'll try to starting today.
The feeling of abundance comes from knowing that theoretically, I still have a lot of resources left to experience life. Specifically, having time, health, and finances, to do things like traveling, is a great position to be in. Despite having flown 298364 times since childhood I still fear that mode of travel a bit though. I will use it to continue visiting my family more in Australia, and maybe soon we will get to use it to visit Franky's childhood places, since he hasn't in over 7 years!
Had I watched this at a different phase in my life I can see myself having a very different reaction - it would come from a place of "missed opportunities" and isolation. I would feel like I have failed the entirety of my childhood, and failed the current self, for not having any substantial connection to anything around me (which would be an unfair conclusion, as I have always had my supportive mother and sister).
The actionable I got out of this (not to treat everything as some productivity-producing tech talk), is that I should be more with nature. There's a spot I've been meaning to hike around, I'll go there with Franky even if it's super hot and summery 
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I have started on my new project! 
It's my sixth-or-so iteration of making a browser game.
Let's see how far I get this time